The prikle story

confused in times of need?

2011-01-08T09:46:00.000-08:00

When we have worked so hard for everything, as humans do we loose them on purpose just to excite us then chase it back again? Is it human nature, to want something or someone so much then just let it go but only to chase it back again? I find myself asking this question repeatedly nowadays. For example, now this is going way beyond the norm, I look at my friends all around me and find them stuck or facing the same problem. There are some who have claimed that their dealing with this problem are just peachy, however behind the scenes nobody really knows.

I looked backed during the days of freedom, in which i am referring to the semester holiday. I mean that is the only time i experience freedom. Anyways, there is this interesting point of which i choose to only share with myself and to those whom are privilege to read this blog or in fact stumble onto it. During the semester break, i started communicating with a friend of mine who lives far from the city i'm in. We started chatting on the web and soon i began to realize something.

Our normal conversation began turning into a different direction of which i must point out that both parties were already spoken for. To be honest in every way possible, i kinda enjoyed the conversation even though it had gotten a lil weird, i mean life before we are with somebody and after is totally different. To be honest, there are somethings that we can say to our partners and there are things that should be kept to ourselves. but in some cases, there are incidents where we just need someone who has been in the same position as us to talk to not close friends but somehow rather a person who is just willing to hear and wont judge us because somewhere along the river that person has been in "shit creak" and stuck without a paddle.

Our conversations grew and developed from one stage to another with such progress. Somehow rather I liked the fact that we grew closer just by the web chats and sms's.Honestly it felt as if i had found my comfort zone and vice versa.

My friends however advice me to cut this bullshit as it is not healthy. They keep telling me that this person has some sort of past and a horrible one too. but theres a voice in me that says i dont care cause as far as i know this person could have been in the same boat that i was once in. not to say that we complete each other bullshit but like i said, we found our comfort zone.

But i got to get this off my chest, as i am afraid if this thing will how grow into things that i could not have imagine. right now i believe that i'm not playing with fire but somehow a smoking charcoal. Getting serious, one thing that bugs me is that this persons attitude is constantly changing in all directions and i for one cant read. Call me twat of any sort but i stay firm as to what i say and believe in.

A close friend of mine said, the reason why this person acted a certain way towards you was because during of which "she" needed someone "he wasnt there and you were constantly there. but how am i to blame when that is already my default setting. i was raised by good parents and what i'm doing was just comforting someone in time of need. In which not to praise myself or anything close to it, but somehow i was taking the responsibilities of the guy. i felt bad, but what am i suppose to do? i mean you cant expect me to be cold hearted and leave someone hangging right? honestly i dont know.

my friend also said that in times like these, i have to hold a good composure be and the best behavioral platform and portray someone who is stable and confident. Now i just feel like i'm being used as a device no longer as a comfort zone but as a weekend thing. i should be happy right?

the only thing i can say is that, where ever the road takes me, i hope theres no bumps and no obstructions as to where i'm heading. but honestly i do feel used and i guess anytime that person needs me i'll help.

Pretentious Bastard

2011-01-08T09:33:00.000-08:00

On the false pretext of being friends, We are automatically labeled as the enemy. Whatever this is, it means absolutely nothing to someone who has any hidden agenda right? Sure, why not, put on a fake smile or two, wave from the car window while you're going past them at 80, and give them a hug once a while. That's nice.

I wonder could this tactic be absorbed and be used in ones daily life? From my point of view everybody has their own opinion, Here i am ranting this ludicrous bullshit on a Saturday night. So much for a fun filled night that had originally been planed.

For once i wish that i didn't have to pretend. Hmmmm.

pretentious

Stupid Dane "Kenneth Jakobsen" pleads not guilty to reckless driving

2010-07-14T04:48:00.000-07:00

SEREMBAN: A 27-year-old Danish tourist pleaded not guilty in a magistrate’s court here to reckless driving and causing the deaths of three friends returning from a reunion dinner.

Kenneth Jakobsen, from Naestved in Denmark, was said to be driving a Renault Kangoo with registration number WPF 1651 when he allegedly ploughed into a BMW car in which four friends were returning to Klang from Malacca.

Ghazali Ab Majid, 52, Mohd Sofee Mohd Tahir, 50, and Zulkarnain Adam, 49, died in the accident at the 277th kilometre of the North South Expressway near Nilai near here at 5am on July 4. The other occupant of the BMW sustained serious injuries and was warded at the Tuanku Ja’afar Hospital.

Jakobsen’s car was allegedly involved in a minor accident with a Proton Waja on the northbound lane of the highway before he collided with the BMW a little later. Jakobsen was charged under section 41(1) of the Road Transport Act and upon conviction could be jailed between two years and 10 years and fined between RM5,000 and RM10,000, or both.

In the soup: Jakobsen seen in crutches outside the court after facing the charges.

He faces another charge of not allowing medical officers to take his blood sample when ordered to do so without giving a valid reason. He apparently committed the offence at the hospital’s Emergency Department between 8am and 10.30am the same day. If found guilty he faces a maximum one-year jail term and fine of between RM1,000 and RM5,000, or both.

Jakobsen, who was in crutches, nodded calmly after the interpreter finished reading the charges.

Chief Inspector Umar Othman asked the court to impose bail of RM20,000 for both charges and order the accused to surrender his passport to the court. Jakobsen informed the court his visa was due to expire on Saturday.

Magistrate Marsilawati Mohamad Shah set bail at RM18,000 and ordered Jakobsen to surrender his passport to the court after having his visa extended and set Sept 20 for re-mention of the case.

Kenneth "the Supid Dane" Jakobsen, You are a fucking asshole. Given the chance, I'd probably ram you with my car while i'm going on the opposite lane in malaysia or in denmark. YOU STUPID TWAT. YOU AND YOUR FATHER ARE SCUM OF THE EARTH.

We'll miss you uncle.

2010-07-06T09:52:00.000-07:00

NILAI: Three friends, on their way home after a reunion with old friends, were killed when their car was involved in a head on collision with another vehicle, on the North South Expressway near here, early yesterday morning.

Zulkarnain Adam 49, Mohd Sofee Mohd Tahir, 50 and Mohd Ghazali Abdul Majib 52 were killed on the spot when the BMW they were travelling in collided with a Renault Kangoo driven by a Dane at 277th kilometre stretch near the Nilai interchange at 4.45am.

The driver of the BMW, Zahari Abdullah 49 and the Dane who was not identified, have been admitted to the Tuanku Ja’afar Hospital in Seremban where they were being treated for serious injuries.

Horrible sight: A traffic police officer looking at the Kancil car which killed four people in Kepala Batas.

The four friends were returning to Kuala Lumpur from Malacca when the accident happened.

State traffic police chief ASP Abd Halil Hamzah said Zahari could not avoid the car driven by the Dane as it was travelling against the traffic.

“Before that, the Dane was involved in another minor accident when his car collided with a Proton Waja. For reasons best known to him, he made an illegal U-turn and drove against the flow of traffic for several kilometres before colliding head on with the BMW,” he said. Abd Halil said Mohd Sofee and Mohd Ghazali suffered massive head injuries and died on the spot, while Zulkarnain died upon admission at the hospital.

Their remains were collected by family members after post-mortems were conducted.

He said police would detain the Dane for dangerous driving which resulted in the deaths of the three friends.

When met at the mortuary, Mohd Ghazali’s son, Taufek, 25, said he last met his father at their home in Teluk Gadung in Klang on Friday.

“I was asleep and my dad woke me up just to ask how I was.

“He had never done this before. We are going to miss him very much,” he said.

Taufek’s older sister Nurul Wahidda said Mohd Ghazali was a doting father.

“He would always want to know where we are and what we were doing. This came as a shock to our family,” she added.

THE STAR. IN MEMORY OF UNCLE SOFEE

Thank you Bee

2010-06-29T04:35:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time since i could actually smile. Moving from places to find a comfort spot, changing perception too sooth the aching mind, and finding solution to this broken heart. It was not long ago a few incidents took place that changed my life forever. Because of the changes, I began hating every single individual who walks on my path, every thought of happiness as it did not exist and even the things that were brought on to me as a punishment from god. I told myself not to allow anymore changes to happen because i hatted them.

It seems everything changed again. This time for the better, insyallah. My behavior towards my friends have changed. My attitude towards life has also changed and a few others as well. All of this is possible by Allah, my parents and this special individual.

We met in a strange position. Instead of falling for one another, we actually hated one another. In class she was the "know it all" girl. Every question the lecturer asked, she would always be the first to answer them. Giving no chance to the other students. Haha. That was cute.

Now were in love, and keeping our relationship very interesting. Insyallah.
Bee, i dont know what I'd do without you. Thank you for everything bee, You are my sunshine an will always bee. Thank you for loving me and putting up with my nonsense. I love you from the bottom of my heart and insyallah till death do us part or the end of time which ever comes first.

Love you baby. Thank you for loving me and forgiving me.
Sayang you sangat2.

I'm sorry baby

2010-06-29T02:11:00.000-07:00

For all the mistakes I've made, for al the sadness I've caused, Never once have i intended in doing them purposely. I really am sorry for all those things i've done to hurt you. Not knowing it was bugging you and irritating you. I only did them because i thought it was just harmless fun.

I'm not perfect and i do make mistakes. I try everyday not to make the same mistakes. I am learning day by day. You have been patient with me for all my nonsense, I thank you for that.
It's my fault and insyallah i wont repeat them again. Please bee.

Love you dearly
Miss you even more.

Buying them.

2010-06-28T05:50:00.000-07:00

I need to buy a new phone, But i just cant decide if i should buy the blackberry or the nokia E63. Regardless to say, both are good phones. I dont want to regret buying one of them and would want the other in the end.

Saving myself the headache, I guess i'm getting both then.
New problem, Mane selamat nak simpan dalam hostel kalau ade budak2 penyangak.
Insyallah.

Perfect Win

2010-06-27T12:16:00.000-07:00

The Germans made history again by defeating their old rival England, So much excitement from these two giant competitors. I have been supporting Germany for a long time now. When i saw today's game against England, i was very pleased with the end result. It was 4-1 for the Germans.

Klose with the first goal followed up by Podolski and twice by the other guy. haha
I really hope that Germany would survive all the rounds and end up in the finals..and of course winning too.

As for now, I have to say BYE BYE ENGLAND, insyallah we'll see you again in the next world cup.

to my baby, Beee We won big time. hahaha

Congratulations GERMANY. dankeh.

Thumbs Up

2010-06-23T05:15:00.000-07:00

It very irritating how things are always having the same system. It has already been 3 weeks i have been admitted in hospital which was supposedly one of the best in malaysia. A change from the government hospital to a private one is really a big jump. Everyone knows hows expensive they can get. now imagine staying here for 3 weeks. I wouldnt want to talk about their bills now.

Whats irritating is that, their system of work is the same. The government hospitals in malaysia doesnt have enough nurses. Their always running around to attend to other patients. Should it be the same in the private sector? I mean you ARE paying a substantial amount of money but your getting the same service AS THE GOVERNMENT HOSPITALS. Not to mention their attitude.

I really hope Things change.

As for now. I give a thumbs up for their impeccable service. Please Change.

The gift of company.

2010-06-22T17:33:00.000-07:00

For the longest time i couldn't really be bothered with my surroundings. I take everything for granted. Being this way, i was defined as being satisfactorily blind. I couldn't agree more. Over time i began to see things clearly. My eyes were finally opened, Insyallah.

A lot has happened over the period of time from where we began to where we are now. It may have been a rough journey but it was worth it every step of the way. To those distant memories we forget, its time we remembered them. To moments that defies us for who we are, remember them.

Among the things that happened, Falling in love is one of them. so many differences between one another but yet so many sparks. It started as hateful feeling of one another. All of a sudden, It all changes. Its amazing what has happened.

Baby, I thank you for everything you have done for me. Being there for me when i needed you the most. Being supportive when i am in doubt. Criticizing me to be better and to be by my side when i'm alone. The only thing i want to do is just be with you. You changed me for the better and i thank you for that. For all those amazing and wonderful things you've done for me bee, I take my hat off and applaud you. Thank you bee, thank you.

Salam

Realization

2010-04-13T22:06:00.000-07:00

Each day before before going out to class, before showering, before the rumbling and chaos, before the others wake up for their daily routine, I stand in front of the mirror in the toilet looking at a reflection of a being. Dark as the night, Big as bear and messy as a sloth... Thats me i guess....

I stood there in a fixed position leaning forward, glancing towards the mirror and remembering the good ol' days where everything was less complicated and intense. Where everyone saluted one another out of respect and fear. Yeah! the golden days...

I'm a washed out rugby player who had everything going on. Now to get by the day, I re-live back the glory days which are long gone. Basking in those detailed memories to make me feel good bout myself. To be honest, I'm sick and tired of it. I'm proud of my success and was praised by many for them.

Truth be told, I have a huge ego. Playing rugby only made it worse. Even now i still carry this burden with me. Saying things i now i shouldn't, doing things I'm not supposed to and as a result not many people like me. Cant blame them. It is what it is, and what it is is entirely my fault, Realizing this, not a day goes by that I don't feel guilty or the need to change. Its a slow process. I guess.

If i had a wish, I'd wish for a remote that could just turn back time to the very beginning where i could just start over. For now, i can only fix the problems I've created for myself and move on to the next step hoping that its the right step and maybe a brighter one this time.

Special thanks to this lovely individual who whipped me back on track. A life without her, would be no life at all. (AW.b.AR)

friendID=146058087

2010-03-25T22:36:00.000-07:00

The morning sun rays climbs into my window and penetrating the heavy curtains to wake me up with somewhat a pleasant glare. I looked the the laptop screen beside me in a daze staring at a picture. A picture of a stranger. Unknown to one another and separated by the limited information and knowledge. She represents something so mythical, somethings so pure and maybe the person i was searching all this while. The first moment i stared into her picture i was stuck in a daze trying my best to hold a good composure before falling into pieces.

I lay there motionless leaving her profile page there for a few hours before regaining my senses and being fully aware of the situation. The only thing i felt then and even now is to immediately tell her the truth and my feelings and my honest intention as to why i am acting his way. The weird thing is, i barely know her yet u would like nothing more then to be with her. But all i could do now is to wait. WAIT FOR THE VERY DAY she clicks the approval button. I would really much like to get to know this mystery girl and maybe just maybe i would receive her golden heart and to make it mine.

But most important of all is that i want a chance to tell her that The first time i laid my eyes on your picture, i felt something pulling me to the source of attraction. Pulling me even harder like a tremendous force of gravity. I STARED away into the computer screen and onto your picture which really pulled my attention. Its the way you smiled, the way you look and the way you present yourself to the world that caught my eyes.

I'm not attracted to beauty as it comes as an extra in a person whom we love. What i feel when i looked at you is something greater then words could ever explain. Something so magical and full of wonders of the unexplainable and unthinkable. Something that is just Awesome. That is what you are. and if given the chance. I WOULD LOVE TO EXPLAIN THIS ALL TO YOU.

and to remaind me that there is something better in this world, something to look forward in life and most of all someone whom we can give our unconditional love to is out there i leave here a
Friend Id=146058087

Until we meet my dear stranger

i'd bid you good day.

insyallah we'll meet someday.

APA PERASAAN INI?

2009-10-17T04:59:00.001-07:00

Ehem, Lemme try something new here. I'm gonna try typing and expressing myself in the Malaysian language. So here goes nothing.

Aku melihat keadaan sekeliling dan berpuas hati,

Keadaan yang aman, sepi dan suci,

Namun di dalam keadaan ini ku sebenarya sunyi,

Akal ku hilang dan perasaan ku mati.

Apa sebabnya ku jadi begini?

Adakah sebab rasa gatal di hati?

Gatal yang dipanggil cinta suci,

Kerana ku tak percaya semua ini.

Bagi ku Cinta adalah dusta,

Ia tidak wujud Di alam semesta dan Dunia,

Kerana tiada apa yang akan berkekalan,

Melaikan Kau YA ALLAH YA TUHAN!

Ku bangkit dari tidur dan berhadap dinding,

Penuh dengan nama mu ku telah conteng.

Hati ku berdering bagaikan loceng,

Apabila kau ada dan ku berpusing.

Aku tidak tahu perasaan ini,

Belum pernah ku rasa dan alami,

Namun Jikalau ku demam cinta,

Berilah ku ubat supaya ku sumbuh segera.

Aku tidak mahu perasaan ini,

Aku tidak mahu terluka,

Pernah ku cuba sekali,

Dan Kesakitanya terpaku di dalam memori.

Walapun Kau secantik umat,

Biarpun kau baik seperti nabi,

Doakan hati ku KUAT,

Untuk melawan ganguan ini.

Hanya tuhan sahaja yang tahu,

Bertapanya sayang ku padamu,

Naman Takkan ku berani ucap.

Ketakutan hubungan akan direntap.

Jika tuhan memberi masa,

Dan mengizinkan cinta,

Di situ lah detik percayaan,

dan disitulah ku tunjuk kasih sayang.

Maafkan kata-kata ku,

Bahawanya ku tidak berniat unutk meluka,

Namun inilah hakikat yg benar

Dan dipijak pada bumi yang nyata.

Well i tried my best to express myself. and pray that all is well. Till next time.

SalamALAIKUM.

Ali Hakim Montashari Kathran.

17.10.2009

Shit Blew

2009-10-03T12:28:00.000-07:00

Getting back from an exhausting trip didn't make my heart that missed her any better. it only made it worse. I couldn't think of anything other then talking to her or chatting with her. Well i Did manage to go online. We chat for a while and stuff. How awesome. But things took an unexpected toll, After a while chatting i lost all sense of senses and had to say i was in love. Shit. Double that and add it with a triple fuck. Why the hell couldn't i just shut the fuck up? well needless to say what happened. You can jolly well guess the answer and shove it in Santa's ass for a naughty or nice wish list.

I;ll get over it. Its just one of those night.

Shit blew.

She's just not that into you. Booyaa baby.

and ouh to the readers as usual a thanks and a personal

FUCK YOU (*sing in a melodious tone )

2009-06-18T09:35:00.000-07:00

Woke up early this morning. So friggin tired, had to do a few things today. When to take pictures for passport and stuff, went shopping with mummy and delivered a few things to Tasha's house. Bought a new shoe, yey! haha. Hush puppies only. nothing to shout about. lol

Oooo, i also bought 3 new shirts. Hooray for me. At all added up to a thousand Plus. Well at least i'm happy. Cant wait to get back. Feel the sun's heat glaring all over me, the sounds of loud machinery and the roar of the ocean. Left with 6 month to complete the program then i'm headed of to a degree program i hope. Trying to get a place in Petronas ofter my studies. Its very hard i tell you.

Anyways will be blogging on my free time.
Hakim

2009-06-01T08:27:00.000-07:00

oooooo! exams are coming up and I'm barely prepared for it. Looks like I'll be studying 24/7 from tomorrow. Classes are nothing but regular, and work loads are adding up. Just hope after this 2 freaking papers i can chill and relax for a while. Anyways nothing much happens in this part of the world. Mange to bank in RM750 today. YEY! well hope that amount stays there and doesn't get depleted anytime soon.

Have a list of things to buy and hoping with the amount of money saved up i can afford to buy them all. Lets see, I'm buying myself a Nokia E71, Ray Ban aviator sun glasses, Braun Buffel wallet, Macbook air and a Adidas Olympic collection worth RM350 each. I have 12 of them to buy so wish me luck. HAHAHA

MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY!!!

2009-05-04T04:30:00.000-07:00

Everyday i spent with her,
yet another idea i conquer,
what lies i told myself,
putting my feelings in a shelf,
maybe it's bad just from the start,
maybe i just don't have the heart,
to look her in the eyes and tell her i despise,
what more could i be looking,
forever clueless and always searching,
yes i told you I'd be there,
but u pushed me away with your selfless care,
you drowned me with your love,
and it buried me in mother earth,
maybe someday you would learn,
how to love instead of burn,
you anger me with what you said,
now i have to turn my head,
because i know the person you are,
a love starved girl behind prison bar,
it hurts you when i leave,
but now its freedom that i breath,
you must chill and understand,
love is no game plan,
i will appear when the time is right,
but for now i must keep out of sight.

Fixed. thank god. need money

2008-09-28T21:23:00.000-07:00

My car was fixed and it cost me a whooping RM 300 bucks man.. where am i gonna get that amount of money? i wanted to ask my boss for a raise but all he did was raise his eyebrows. What and "a" hole he was.. hahaha.. well. today is the independence day for my country. SELAMAT MERDEKA YG KE-51 Malaysia.. i have a lot of things to buy today. just hope that the shops that i'm going to isn't closed. i have to get shampoo for myself and my cat, renew my card KGNS card, wash the car, and send stuff to my mom's friends house. last of all i'll be heading to subang jaya to buy something at cold storage. Man do they have a lot of items there. hahaha.. i sound like my mother.. Oh... my cousions just arrived yesterday and now we have like 3 families in my house. boy is it crowded. they'll be staying here till the end of ramadan. my mom had to buy a truck load of food just to survive the ramadan month..hahaha which reminds me, i have to ask everyone in class to come for "buka puasa" in my house.. But first things first, i have to find the amount of money to pay the debt of my car. Looks like i'll be taking a stroll down to the bank. Gees how i hate taking money..if i have time i will go down to bangsar or one utama buy myself a watch and for my friend.. her birthday maa.. plus i want to get somthing for myself.. its been 2 month since i bought anything for myself. till next time.. gooten taag

Bad working day. haha

2008-09-28T21:22:00.000-07:00

On friday, i had the most horibble day possible imagined. i woke at 8.30 am and was already late for some work i had to handle. i skiped class and went out. After my work was completed, i went back home to get ready for the friday prayers. i rushed out of the house trying to beat the friday crowd. It was unsuccessful, so I drove back home and prayed in my house. I received a phone call from the office where my dad was complaining bout the work I had done. I had to rush over there. When I was about to leave my home, my mom called me up and asked me to send some things to her friends house near my old kindergarten. I looked at my watch and tolled her that I can’t help her now. But my mom keeps on insisting that I do it. I got in my car which was a renult coupe, mind you... hahaha and saw the fuel meter at empty. I decided to take my Proton out. Not knowing that it was having problems of its own, I hit the pedals and went as fast as I could to my first destination. I arrived at my mom friend’s house at 2 something, and rushed for the office. I decided to take shorter route that would lead me to the highway. As I was driving towards the road exit that I had taken, I noticed the engine signal appeared at the speedometer screen. In an instance the engine died and I was rolling towards the exit with no power and little control. Thank god there was no traffic or I would have been in an accident. I stopped by the road side and lift the hood of the car up and saw smoke coming out from the engine. I called my friend to help me out but he couldn’t make it because he has tuition. I noticed that there was a SHELL pump station behind me just down a hill. I went there for help and there was this guy who was kind enough to call AAM for me. After about 30 minutes stuck by the roadside, the AAM managed to get my car running again. I thank the man and went on my way. I thought to myself, “boy was that bad places to have your care break down.” I got to the office in one peace and left the office in pieces after my dad lost his temper. HAHAHA

The real Ali hakim

2008-09-28T21:21:00.003-07:00

Lets start from the begining, i'm Ali Hakim Montashari Khathran. I'm just a teenager who drinks and smokes and I drive under the influence of alcohol. I have a discrete background. many know me as "kim,alikim,hakim or Mr.goodie 2 shoes". My height is apprxmtly 180 .I have been charge with fighting,smoking and drinking. With this on my report, it doesn;t make me a role model.Since 2003-2007 I've been sent to the counseling room for about 47 times. I have some diciplinary problem and have been sent to the dicipline room countless of time. At the end of the year my merit points are always left with 20-15 points. As a result i'm being potreyed as a problematic student.My bad habbits are: smoking,drinking and getting into fights when i'm drunk. My mood rage from happy-moody-furious. As a result i'm labeled as a phsycopath in school and on the street. I hit without warning but have control over girls.My current status is divorced, and after cleanig the counts my ex's are already 6. i have lied my way in and out of ppls heart. But currently i am finding peace and harmony to calm myslef down.I earn less then rm 450 monthly and i drive a proton wira which is younger then me by two years. I have problematic friends and idiots as enemies. I attented a place what seems to be a school. Repeating my routine each day. i'm left with one year before i put my carrier in my hands.I play rugby which i take pride in for the certificates and futsal. In doing so i've earn the name "kneetacker" in the field when playing rugby. by current BMI is a 27. With all these activites there is a little price to pay. I have a twisted back and ankel. My pinky has reach a point where bending is imposible. and the constant pain at the neck and at the hips.Other than that i have nothing going on in my life. Sounds shallow but i feel as if my life is an empty shell. Filling it, is great dissapointment and regret with a spoonfull of luck and happiness and sprinkeled with succsess. My life is followed by a few simple rules. i belive in a system that works and piss on the system that doesnt. I hate those who oppose and love thoes with ideas. I may not be a good role model, but i make a great friend and a provider. I hear thoes with problems and try to solve it with them. But if this still doent make me a good person i have nothing to say. The people that know me for who i am has been through thick and thin with me.I'm not easy to read nor understand. But i'm easy to hate and to love.I give you my trust and once you broken it. theres no second chance. I have the ability of reading people by watching thier behaviour and saying the right things at the right time. Some calls it a gift. But i prefer to think of it as both a curse and a gift.And at the end of the day, it doesnt mater who reads this bulletins to know me. Cause i belive by giving people chance to know the real me. and by not drving them away.

My Ex

2008-09-28T21:19:00.000-07:00

As each passing night surrounds me with mournful feelings, I can never help but to remember all those conversations we used to have... But I guess fate has brought as further apart... No one is perfect, but as I stand here watching the days pass by..... Sometimes I loose the feeling of loneliness... but when I remember... you. I cant stop but to think what was the actual cause of this destructions.... and how we can fix it...I stand alone in the dark... for to look for a light... but somehow the light I taught that was shining was never there... so I ask myself what if... these ppl that I care for so much never really existed.... like I was somehow having a dream....and all the sad events that had occur never actually happened.....this isn't the first time that it happened to me.... but I can never forget all those time when I enjoyed with them....somehow it just keeps playing in my head.... I shall never rest easy on this case... it is a mystery... Nothing is certain..... But the existence of you is still yet to be confirmed... the ppl that I care choose to act as if I never existed..... So that taught that can be read trough other... Gives me pain... for that pain... gives me the energy to carry the grudge till I get my revenge.....