Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Realization

Each day before before going out to class, before showering, before the rumbling and chaos, before the others wake up for their daily routine, I stand in front of the mirror in the toilet looking at a reflection of a being. Dark as the night, Big as bear and messy as a sloth... Thats me i guess....


I stood there in a fixed position leaning forward, glancing towards the mirror and remembering the good ol' days where everything was less complicated and intense. Where everyone saluted one another out of respect and fear. Yeah! the golden days...


I'm a washed out rugby player who had everything going on. Now to get by the day, I re-live back the glory days which are long gone. Basking in those detailed memories to make me feel good bout myself. To be honest, I'm sick and tired of it. I'm proud of my success and was praised by many for them.

Truth be told, I have a huge ego. Playing rugby only made it worse. Even now i still carry this burden with me. Saying things i now i shouldn't, doing things I'm not supposed to and as a result not many people like me. Cant blame them. It is what it is, and what it is is entirely my fault, Realizing this, not a day goes by that I don't feel guilty or the need to change. Its a slow process. I guess.

If i had a wish, I'd wish for a remote that could just turn back time to the very beginning where i could just start over. For now, i can only fix the problems I've created for myself and move on to the next step hoping that its the right step and maybe a brighter one this time.

Special thanks to this lovely individual who whipped me back on track. A life without her, would be no life at all. (AW.b.AR)

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