confused in times of need?

When we have worked so hard for everything, as humans do we loose them on purpose just to excite us then chase it back again? Is it human nature, to want something or someone so much then just let it go but only to chase it back again? I find myself asking this question repeatedly nowadays. For example, now this is going way beyond the norm, I look at my friends all around me and find them stuck or facing the same problem. There are some who have claimed that their dealing with this problem are just peachy, however behind the scenes nobody really knows.

I looked backed during the days of freedom, in which i am referring to the semester holiday. I mean that is the only time i experience freedom. Anyways, there is this interesting point of which i choose to only share with myself and to those whom are privilege to read this blog or in fact stumble onto it. During the semester break, i started communicating with a friend of mine who lives far from the city i'm in. We started chatting on the web and soon i began to realize something.

Our normal conversation began turning into a different direction of which i must point out that both parties were already spoken for. To be honest in every way possible, i kinda enjoyed the conversation even though it had gotten a lil weird, i mean life before we are with somebody and after is totally different. To be honest, there are somethings that we can say to our partners and there are things that should be kept to ourselves. but in some cases, there are incidents where we just need someone who has been in the same position as us to talk to not close friends but somehow rather a person who is just willing to hear and wont judge us because somewhere along the river that person has been in "shit creak" and stuck without a paddle.

Our conversations grew and developed from one stage to another with such progress. Somehow rather I liked the fact that we grew closer just by the web chats and sms's.Honestly it felt as if i had found my comfort zone and vice versa.

My friends however advice me to cut this bullshit as it is not healthy. They keep telling me that this person has some sort of past and a horrible one too. but theres a voice in me that says i dont care cause as far as i know this person could have been in the same boat that i was once in. not to say that we complete each other bullshit but like i said, we found our comfort zone.

But i got to get this off my chest, as i am afraid if this thing will how grow into things that i could not have imagine. right now i believe that i'm not playing with fire but somehow a smoking charcoal. Getting serious, one thing that bugs me is that this persons attitude is constantly changing in all directions and i for one cant read. Call me twat of any sort but i stay firm as to what i say and believe in.

A close friend of mine said, the reason why this person acted a certain way towards you was because during of which "she" needed someone "he wasnt there and you were constantly there. but how am i to blame when that is already my default setting. i was raised by good parents and what i'm doing was just comforting someone in time of need. In which not to praise myself or anything close to it, but somehow i was taking the responsibilities of the guy. i felt bad, but what am i suppose to do? i mean you cant expect me to be cold hearted and leave someone hangging right? honestly i dont know.

my friend also said that in times like these, i have to hold a good composure be and the best behavioral platform and portray someone who is stable and confident. Now i just feel like i'm being used as a device no longer as a comfort zone but as a weekend thing. i should be happy right?

the only thing i can say is that, where ever the road takes me, i hope theres no bumps and no obstructions as to where i'm heading. but honestly i do feel used and i guess anytime that person needs me i'll help.

Pretentious Bastard

On the false pretext of being friends, We are automatically labeled as the enemy. Whatever this is, it means absolutely nothing to someone who has any hidden agenda right? Sure, why not, put on a fake smile or two, wave from the car window while you're going past them at 80, and give them a hug once a while. That's nice.

I wonder could this tactic be absorbed and be used in ones daily life? From my point of view everybody has their own opinion, Here i am ranting this ludicrous bullshit on a Saturday night. So much for a fun filled night that had originally been planed.

For once i wish that i didn't have to pretend. Hmmmm.

pretentious

Stupid Dane "Kenneth Jakobsen" pleads not guilty to reckless driving

SEREMBAN: A 27-year-old Danish tourist pleaded not guilty in a magistrate’s court here to reckless driving and causing the deaths of three friends returning from a reunion dinner.

Kenneth Jakobsen, from Naestved in Denmark, was said to be driving a Renault Kangoo with registration number WPF 1651 when he allegedly ploughed into a BMW car in which four friends were returning to Klang from Malacca.

Ghazali Ab Majid, 52, Mohd Sofee Mohd Tahir, 50, and Zulkarnain Adam, 49, died in the accident at the 277th kilometre of the North South Expressway near Nilai near here at 5am on July 4. The other occupant of the BMW sustained serious injuries and was warded at the Tuanku Ja’afar Hospital.

Jakobsen’s car was allegedly involved in a minor accident with a Proton Waja on the northbound lane of the highway before he collided with the BMW a little later. Jakobsen was charged under section 41(1) of the Road Transport Act and upon conviction could be jailed between two years and 10 years and fined between RM5,000 and RM10,000, or both.

In the soup: Jakobsen seen in crutches outside the court after facing the charges.

He faces another charge of not allowing medical officers to take his blood sample when ordered to do so without giving a valid reason. He apparently committed the offence at the hospital’s Emergency Department between 8am and 10.30am the same day. If found guilty he faces a maximum one-year jail term and fine of between RM1,000 and RM5,000, or both.

Jakobsen, who was in crutches, nodded calmly after the interpreter finished reading the charges.

Chief Inspector Umar Othman asked the court to impose bail of RM20,000 for both charges and order the accused to surrender his passport to the court. Jakobsen informed the court his visa was due to expire on Saturday.

Magistrate Marsilawati Mohamad Shah set bail at RM18,000 and ordered Jakobsen to surrender his passport to the court after having his visa extended and set Sept 20 for re-mention of the case.

Kenneth "the Supid Dane" Jakobsen, You are a fucking asshole. Given the chance, I'd probably ram you with my car while i'm going on the opposite lane in malaysia or in denmark. YOU STUPID TWAT. YOU AND YOUR FATHER ARE SCUM OF THE EARTH.

We'll miss you uncle.

NILAI: Three friends, on their way home after a reunion with old friends, were killed when their car was involved in a head on collision with another vehicle, on the North South Expressway near here, early yesterday morning.

Zulkarnain Adam 49, Mohd Sofee Mohd Tahir, 50 and Mohd Ghazali Abdul Majib 52 were killed on the spot when the BMW they were travelling in collided with a Renault Kangoo driven by a Dane at 277th kilometre stretch near the Nilai interchange at 4.45am.

The driver of the BMW, Zahari Abdullah 49 and the Dane who was not identified, have been admitted to the Tuanku Ja’afar Hospital in Seremban where they were being treated for serious injuries.

Horrible sight: A traffic police officer looking at the Kancil car which killed four people in Kepala Batas.

The four friends were returning to Kuala Lumpur from Malacca when the accident happened.

State traffic police chief ASP Abd Halil Hamzah said Zahari could not avoid the car driven by the Dane as it was travelling against the traffic.

“Before that, the Dane was involved in another minor accident when his car collided with a Proton Waja. For reasons best known to him, he made an illegal U-turn and drove against the flow of traffic for several kilometres before colliding head on with the BMW,” he said. Abd Halil said Mohd Sofee and Mohd Ghazali suffered massive head injuries and died on the spot, while Zulkarnain died upon admission at the hospital.

Their remains were collected by family members after post-mortems were conducted.

He said police would detain the Dane for dangerous driving which resulted in the deaths of the three friends.

When met at the mortuary, Mohd Ghazali’s son, Taufek, 25, said he last met his father at their home in Teluk Gadung in Klang on Friday.

“I was asleep and my dad woke me up just to ask how I was.

“He had never done this before. We are going to miss him very much,” he said.

Taufek’s older sister Nurul Wahidda said Mohd Ghazali was a doting father.

“He would always want to know where we are and what we were doing. This came as a shock to our family,” she added.

THE STAR. IN MEMORY OF UNCLE SOFEE

Thank you Bee

It's been a long time since i could actually smile. Moving from places to find a comfort spot, changing perception too sooth the aching mind, and finding solution to this broken heart. It was not long ago a few incidents took place that changed my life forever. Because of the changes, I began hating every single individual who walks on my path, every thought of happiness as it did not exist and even the things that were brought on to me as a punishment from god. I told myself not to allow anymore changes to happen because i hatted them.

It seems everything changed again. This time for the better, insyallah. My behavior towards my friends have changed. My attitude towards life has also changed and a few others as well. All of this is possible by Allah, my parents and this special individual.

We met in a strange position. Instead of falling for one another, we actually hated one another. In class she was the "know it all" girl. Every question the lecturer asked, she would always be the first to answer them. Giving no chance to the other students. Haha. That was cute.

Now were in love, and keeping our relationship very interesting. Insyallah.
Bee, i dont know what I'd do without you. Thank you for everything bee, You are my sunshine an will always bee. Thank you for loving me and putting up with my nonsense. I love you from the bottom of my heart and insyallah till death do us part or the end of time which ever comes first.

Love you baby. Thank you for loving me and forgiving me.
Sayang you sangat2.

I'm sorry baby

For all the mistakes I've made, for al the sadness I've caused, Never once have i intended in doing them purposely. I really am sorry for all those things i've done to hurt you. Not knowing it was bugging you and irritating you. I only did them because i thought it was just harmless fun.

I'm not perfect and i do make mistakes. I try everyday not to make the same mistakes. I am learning day by day. You have been patient with me for all my nonsense, I thank you for that.
It's my fault and insyallah i wont repeat them again. Please bee.

Love you dearly
Miss you even more.

Buying them.

I need to buy a new phone, But i just cant decide if i should buy the blackberry or the nokia E63. Regardless to say, both are good phones. I dont want to regret buying one of them and would want the other in the end.

Saving myself the headache, I guess i'm getting both then.
New problem, Mane selamat nak simpan dalam hostel kalau ade budak2 penyangak.
Insyallah.